avoiding perdition

verba volant, scripta manent


Healthier Living, Day 1 October 13, 2010

Filed under: health — Jax T @ 6:48 am

walking began today
1 mile – 19:47
Tomorrow- must find headphones first.

Breakfast- (crappy flavored) oatmeal (ick I so have to go to the store)

Off to shower, and pack lunch. Wish me luck.


Me, the fat girl

Filed under: health — Jax T @ 6:14 am

So for those who don’t know me personally I’m 30 years old, 6′ tall and weigh 313 lbs. I’ve been overweight most of my life and all of my adult life.

When I was younger this was significantly less of a problem as most of my weight was in my boobs. It’s funny how we all think we were fat in High School. When I look back at dance pictures now I wonder just how totally fucked our self image is as adolescents.

The boob problem was BAD enough in HS, but got significantly out of hand in college. Add to that the change of lifestyle college brings, severe depression and much much less physical activity than I was used to and bam. Weight gain. Granted at the time so much of this was hidden by my boobs (ever growing as the were) so I didn’t really realize just how obese I’d gotten until spring of 2005 when I had a breast reduction and realized I now looked pregnant.

For the last 5 years I’ve been very cognizant of my weight and size. I’ve gone on rollercoasters of emotion about the whole thing. But to make an already long story less long let’s take us to my most recent doctors visit.

He said something to me that struck home. One of his trainee doctors was trying to talk me into chantix to quit smoking and we started talking about my weight. Then he told me that I don’t have to do it alone.

Wow. Such a simple statement and one I’m intelligent enough to know is true. This triggered a million things in my head but still no action. Yet.

A couple days later I left on vacation to Florida. Vacation. A dreaded word for the obese. There’s the wardrobe issues, the inevitable “seat belt” drama, and then most stressful of all, the “will I fit on the rides stress”. Now I’ve been to WDW enough to know I fit on everything. No stress there. However we were also going to Universal, hell the Wizarding World of Harry Potter was the whole reason for the trip. So yeah, STRESS. Add that to vacation stress and I doubled my lexapro(antianxiety/ antidepressant) for the whole journey. SMART CHOICE!!
I’d read before leaving that most rides in Islands of Adventure are small, particularly the HP rides and that several body types just don’t fit. (Not just “fat” but large chests or the Tall) So yeah I was nervous. After the flight where I had NO issues w my seatbelt (unusual, about 90% of the time I need an extender) I was less nervous so when me and the BFF tried to go on Dueling Dragons and harness doesn’t click all the way I’d have been depressed had I not been so medicated. The forbidden journey in the castle turned out to be a nogo as well. I emoted through this with surprising ease and these events in NO WAY ruined my vacation. I still had a blast. But it was bugging me.

I asked my Bestie if we could come back in six months or so when I could fit and decided that I had to do something about my girth. My doctor was right. I don’t have to do it alone.

I need to log this experience to hold myself accountable. The biggest obstacle for me w healthy eating and lifestyle changes is stress and procrastination. To eat healthier I have to over come the latter and learn to control the former. I HAVE to pack a lunch. I HAVE to eat breakfast at home. I HAVE to exercise. And most importantly I HAVE to hold myself accountable.

This blog will provide a little assistance. The posts are public, yet not in the spotlight so I will be inclined to speak the truth.

Wish me luck on my journey.


dvd’s for sale February 17, 2009

Filed under: movies — Jax T @ 9:28 pm

For those interested, I am selling my movie/tv show collection.
Almost all titles are widescreen, some in full screen. If that matters to you, just ask and I’ll let you know what format that specific title is. Delivery to NOLA metro area free. Shipping, flat rate $5.00. TV seasons $10, DVD’s $4, VHS $2
email me with any questions: jax at pseudoverity dot com




Vote for Hope by MC Yogi October 25, 2008

Filed under: politics, video — Jax T @ 10:37 am


england is america’s alcoholic older brother October 21, 2008

Filed under: humor, politics — Jax T @ 1:52 pm

Over on livejournal user apiphile gives us an amusing historical look at the relationship between America an the mother country.

England’s like America’s alcoholic older brother who used to be a successful businessman until he got exposed having killed a hooker* and his company got liquidated and now he shows up at family parties shitfaced and tries to dole out helpful advice to his aggressive and ambitious (but occasionally dumb) little brother but doesn’t always give him the right advice because he’s old and alcoholic and afraid his little brother will hit him with a chair, which his little brother does at the slightest provocation**.

And England’s like, “seriously, listen to me, I’ve been where you are, I made those mistakes,” and America’s like, “fuck you, you’re an alcoholic and you have old shoes and you piss yourself”, and England’s like, “once, I did that once! ONCE. I still argue with France -” and America’s like, “France is an alcoholic too. I’ve seen your petty business ventures. Shut up and help me tip some cows, there are definitely cows in this field***.”

And England’s like, “Okay, I’ll come tip cows with you those look suspiciously like chickens.”

And America’s all, “THEY’RE COWS IF I SAY THEY’RE COWS.”

And England’s tipping chickens next to America muttering, “I only came along to make sure you didn’t do somethig stupid like burning your own face off with grain alcohol****.”

And then America burns its own face of with grain alcohol, AND England’s, and then their successful but slightly creepy cousin China won’t drive them to hospital because they brought it on themselves by being dumb and England’s all, “I can’t believe Dad thinks you’re the good kid” and America’s all “shut up until you can afford shoes”.

* For “killed a hooker”, please see, “stole many countries and committed atrocities against the native populations of said countries while exploiting their natural resources and allowing said populations no say in the running of their own lands”, or “like Iraq, but successful”
** See “John McCain” and “belligerent is not the same as intelligent, motherfucker”.
*** See “invade a country that doesn’t have weapons of mass destruction, looking for weapons of mass destruction”
**** “cause a catastrophic global economic meltdown”

The entire post can be found here!!

This amused me to NO end, and I thought I’d share.


speaking out against intolerance. October 19, 2008

Filed under: politics, religion, tolerance — Jax T @ 8:05 pm

This post developed from a number of emails that have greatly disturbed me throughout this campaign. I’ve kept my mouth shut for quite some time now, because I wasn’t sure how to separate the politics from the other issues that truly sicken me by the propaganda I’ve been sent. Which is why I want to point out that this isn’t an attempt to endear you to Obama, in fact this post isn’t even about politics. It’s about intolerance, bigotry, racism and an overall unchristian attitude that I see in the messages I’m receiving from people who keep claiming to be Christians. I am not going to ask you to vote for him. I’m not even going to ask you to LIKE him, my WHOLE argument is to the relevance of the statements that have been made.

In response to the “Obama is the anti-Christ” email: Please pick up a bible and read Ch 13 of Revalations or go to Snopes.com and let them read the Bible to you. It will never stop amazing me the number of people who want to deliver Christ’s message that don’t actually know what Christ’s message is.

In response to the “Beware the Enemy from Within” emails. Yes, emails. Two different versions of this have been swimming about (I was “lucky” enough to get both of them.) and have been posted in their entirety here by Blogger Charlene Noto who states:

Hate is contagious as seen by the foaming at the mouth crowds that shout “Kill him” and “Terrorist” and “Arab” in the McCain/Palin rallies. There is a real danger to crap like this because not only does it make Obama sound like an evil threat to America, but it also derides and hints that ANYONE who is foreign, particularly from the middle east is evil. We happen to have a large population in this country who immigrated legitimately from the middle east, are not Christian and are very good citizens.

I lived through three assassinations in my teenage years and I take crowd mentality like that very seriously. It is the old Frankenstein movies where the crowd carries torches, pitch forks determined to eliminate the “monster”. These are NOT the individuals I want to choose the next President of our country and have their finger on the button. If you have sound policies and real plans, you do not need smear campaigns or hatred to back you up. The enemy we need to beware is fear and these emails strike at that most deadly of emotions. Call me crazy but I admire rational behavior and not sleazy innuendos.

Today Colin Powell stated this on “Meet the Press”:

I’m also troubled by, not what Senator McCain says, but what members of the party say. And it is permitted to be said such things as, “Well, you know that Mr. Obama is a Muslim.” Well, the correct answer is, he is not a Muslim, he’s a Christian. He’s always been a Christian. But the really right answer is, what if he is? Is there something wrong with being a Muslim in this country? The answer’s no, that’s not America. Is there something wrong with some seven-year-old Muslim-American kid believing that he or she could be president? Yet, I have heard senior members of my own party drop the suggestion, “He’s a Muslim and he might be associated terrorists.” This is not the way we should be doing it in America.

I feel strongly about this particular point because of a picture I saw in a magazine. It was a photo essay about troops who are serving in Iraq and Afghanistan. And one picture at the tail end of this photo essay was of a mother in Arlington Cemetery, and she had her head on the headstone of her son’s grave. And as the picture focused in, you could see the writing on the headstone. And it gave his awards–Purple Heart, Bronze Star–showed that he died in Iraq, gave his date of birth, date of death. He was 20 years old. And then, at the very top of the headstone, it didn’t have a Christian cross, it didn’t have the Star of David, it had crescent and a star of the Islamic faith. And his name was Kareem Rashad Sultan Khan, and he was an American. He was born in New Jersey. He was 14 years old at the time of 9/11, and he waited until he can go serve his country, and he gave his life. Now, we have got to stop polarizing ourself in this way. And John McCain is as nondiscriminatory as anyone I know. But I’m troubled about the fact that, within the party, we have these kinds of expressions.

The Preamble to the Declaration of Independence states the following:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Dr. Martin Luther King said:

I have a dream today.
I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.
This is our hope. This is the faith with which I return to the South. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

We’ve come a long way to realizing Dr. King’s dream for America, but we still have a long way to go as a people. Hatred, bigotry and intolerance are very much alive in our country. As Americans we have to teach our children that it is NOT right to judge someone by their ethnic background. We are a nation of immigrants, a nation as mixed and as varied as the world is round. As Christians we must realize that an intolerance to the Muslim faith, an assumption that all Muslims are evil and violent makes us no better than the extreme radicals who consider us the infidel and call for our deaths. Also, if you think that the Muslim religion is the only one that has committed atrocities in the name of religion I implore you to pick up a history book and learn just what atrocities have been commited in the name of your god, God or gods. You may be surprised by what you find. If you’re sitting there stating that it isn’t the individual people but the extremists who’ve done bad things in the name of good, you quite possibly just made my point for me.

At the end of all of this Barack Obama is a man running for President of the United States. He’s an American citizen who is a self-proclaimed Christian. If that is a lie the only people who know the truth are Obama and God. I personally believe in his ideas and his message and it’s perfectly okay with me if you don’t. I think John McCain is a patriot who has done a great deal for the United States in his lifetime. I disagree with him on many of the core issues that face us today. I think both candidates care about this country, both of them love this country and believe in the often elusive American Dream. Please continue to debate the issues. Our ability to do so is what makes us American, it’s what makes us FREE. All I ask is that you don’t hide behind Christian values and spew forth ideas teeming with hatred and bigotry or an ignorance of the facts.

On a more personal note I have a sister who travels around both the United States and the rest of the world for her job. I pray daily that she encounters people on her travels that accept her with open arms and kindness and do not judge her the same way that many Americans judge them.



It only took a little political mudslinging to make me turn to public blogging.

Filed under: politics, religion — Jax T @ 5:33 pm

I started blogging in early 2004. I was introduced to the phenomenon through livejournal which is a prominent social networking blog community. The initial appeal to livejournal was an ability to keep up with my best friend who had gone away to college and often blogged about her life. The more I dug into the network I realized that it was a format that would appeal to me. In the very beginning my livejournal was “public” where any and all could read it. As time moved on and I began to move up the corporate chain at work I changed it to “friends only” access.

Over the years I’ve made a number of acquaintances and friends, some that I’ve actually met in person. The internet community that I am a part of has helped change who I am fundamentally as a person. The ability to interact with people of all races, creeds and walks of life, from all across the globe has helped to open my eyes even wider than life in a city like New Orleans was able to do. I believe that it has made me a better person. And for that I’m grateful. I’m not giving up my livejournal or the community of friends that I’ve developed over the years. But the specific and personal nature of that particular “journal” don’t allow me the ability to speak to a broader crowd, which seems to be the forum I am looking for today.

Over the last few months of this campaign I have received a NUMBER of emails from my near and dear conservative friends that to say the least have sickened me. And I thought it was time that I said my peace. I’m not angry about the politics. In fact I’m at the point where I truly don’t care WHO you support, but I’d like to see people act with a little more dignity and for those who keep spewing “Christian values” at me to start understanding just what in the hell Christian values are since I’m not seeing a whole lot of them in the things that I’ve been given to read. If you want to debate the issues FINE. I have yet to be upset by any discussion regarding either candidates stance on the issues.

I put together a reply and I realized as I’d finished it that I didn’t just want to email it to the few people that needed to hear it and the others I know that may have people THEY know who need to hear it, but that I wanted it to be in a static place for any and all to see. Thus the creation of this blog tonight. I’ve been saying that I wanted to transition to public blogging in addition to my more close knit private blogging world and today finally gave me a reason to do it.